eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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