My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
