I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
