thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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