so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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