Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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