My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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