Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
