I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
