I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize