I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
