Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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