My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
