Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
