he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
