I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
