I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
