Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
