so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
