omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
