i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
