I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
