I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
