He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
