So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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