I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
