I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
