Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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