Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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