i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
