He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
