i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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