I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
