The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
