Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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