can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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