OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
