True but thats because hes a fetus.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
