I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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