I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
