It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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