just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
