Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
