McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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