This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
