Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
