i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
