can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
