she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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