I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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