so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
