it wasn't lemon gatorade
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
