she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
