I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
as a side note pls kill me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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