Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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