Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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