Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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