You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize