you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
