oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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