I'm going to jail i love you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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