Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
