i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my being single is dangerous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
