Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
