I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
